Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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