Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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