so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
