can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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