WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
