Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
