Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
