I heard we made out
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
