I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
