Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
