Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the day after is always just damage control
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
