Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize