So drunk its hurt
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize