Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
