They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
