Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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