Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
