I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I AM VODKA MAN
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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