If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize