Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
