The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
