I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We got so high we made milksteak
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
