Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
