Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
