my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
