I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
