She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
