remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
