Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
