you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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