Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
