3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
