that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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