That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
