I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
