is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
