Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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