I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize