Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
