Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
