I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
