so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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