ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
