I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
