kristin has been a bad kristin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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