she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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