its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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