then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
