you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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