I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
even my farts smell like vagina
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
