i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
