Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
