I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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