You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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