omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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