She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
