I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
