Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize