I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
