just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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