I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
