I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
