I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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