I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
