dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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