I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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