You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
