It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
