my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
